Dictatorships: The Best Form of Government
By Pladmir Vutin
Tired of all the endless debates of democracy? Annoyed by the divisiveness within the media? Fed up with defunct politicians and stagnated Congresses? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then I have the perfect government for you. I present to you: the Dictatorship, a one man/woman government.
Under a dictatorship, you won’t have to worry about politics or taking part in government, none of that nonsense. Instead, you’ll be ruled by one person, who is able to make the best choices for the country all the time, without fail. It’s a foolproof system; nothing could ever go wrong. You also don’t have to go through that annoying process of voting; like, who wants to stand in line for hours just to circle some boxes on a piece of paper? BORING.
Speaking of how boring other governments are, I can assure you that dictatorships are anything but boring. Dictators love to have extravagant parades, and under a dictatorship, you’ll be able to enjoy all the prideful shows of military might and fabulous statues of your dictator that exist in dictatorships across the world. Who doesn’t love a fancy march through the streets of the capitol? There could be fireworks every other weekend; it’d be the Fourth of July every day!
If you’re doubting how great dictatorships are, just ask some of the best around. Putin and Kim Jong-Un would be happy to tell you how amazing they are. If you think they might not be “reliable,” just grab a random citizen from Russia or North Korea and ask them about their country. It’s impossible for them to even be able to describe dictatorships as anything other than fantastic!
If you still need more reasons for why dictatorships are the best (although I doubt you do), think about all the benefits that come from a government-controlled media. You won’t have to worry about getting all sides of the story, because there’s only one side! No more CNN or Fox News, filled with people arguing about nonsense all the time. Instead, you’ll just have one channel that provides the pure, COMPLETELY UNBIASED facts. You can trust 100% of what’s on there because it is GUARANTEED to be true.
One of the best parts of a dictatorship is the fact that there’s absolutely no opposition. In those terrible, free, democratic countries (ugh), you’ll see tons of protests and vocal attacks on the current government. That kind of stuff never happens under a dictatorship because people love it so much! It’s not like the dictator throws you in jail if you speak up or anything like that; the people just love everything the dictator does all the time, so there’s never any opposition (alive that is).
In conclusion, there are no valid arguments against a dictatorship, and there are way too many positives to not have one. So what’re you waiting for? Go out there, get the support of the military (it’s really all you need), and take control of the government! Then you get to be dictator, which clearly has the most perks, and you can do LITERALLY ANYTHING! (until someone comes and assassinates you and then takes over, but don’t worry about that). So now I’ll leave you to your dictatorial conquest, and wish you luck in your endeavors!