Guide to Becoming Famous

By That One Kardashian
How to Be Famous.jpg

Do you feel worthless? Are you bored with your life, scrolling through social media, watching others live theirs? Are you jealous of the teens living in mansions together in LA? Well, get off your booty and go do something about it! It is so easy to become famous nowadays. Literally, there are four main principles to becoming famous:

 

  1. Be white

  2. Be skinny

  3. Be attractive

  4. Show off your sick dance moves (on TikTok) 

 

   If you don’t meet the criteria, well s***, that’s unfortunate. You’re screwed. You might as well stop reading right now. I don’t know, go invest in the stock market or something.


   Anyway,  like I was saying, the easiest way to become famous is through TikTok. It’s genius! Especially right now- it is the perfect time to take advantage of society’s rotting brains and fuel their boredom with video after video. Take advantage of your privilege! Take an example from famous TikTokers, or dare I say, celebrities. Don’t you want to live it

up like Charli and Dixie D’amelio? They are the embodiment of talent. We all love them, and we just cannot get enough of them. With their reality show coming out, starring in music videos, and partnering up with Hollister to sell overpriced hoodies, their dancing talent really shines through. Dancing isn’t their only talent- their ability to steal dances from small creators by not giving them credit and take it as their own… oh oops that was a typo… I meant their ability to take inspiration from others is astounding! Take note of their lifestyle! 

  No, seriously, get out a notebook like right now and start writing this down, stop being poor. Be a hard worker, just like the TikTokers.

 

  Now, here comes the easier parts. Make sure to take notes of these too.

 

  • Have a crapload of money already (you can buy followers too!)

  • Please everyone!

  • Respond to hate comments

  • Make thirst traps

  • Be straight

  • Have a shady past

*Bonus points if you have eurocentric features*

 

   Boom. Now you’re famous. Now, you must humble yourself and start some drama to keep yourself in check. You will definitely get shade room gossip pages talking about you- umm hello? Free publicity! It’s almost like the work is being done for you and society feeds off of drama. You have two options when you get this attention:

 

  • Immediately, post yourself crying for sympathy

  • Avoid talking about it to get the crowd wondering, then address it and play the victim

 

   Your status will most definitely be elevated with these simple steps. You will be rolling in attention, you are welcome. With fame comes so much freedom too! Enjoy the publicity while it lasts. When you start to fall off, just expose yourself with something shady- like old videos of you saying derogatory things! You will get people against you, and also fanpages defending you; it’s perfect!