How to Not Be Sad During Quarantine

(Trigger Warning: Mathew Morrison/Mention of Liberals)

By Mathew Morrison

Since we’ve been forced to stay inside of our homes since March of last year, rates of depression have increased significantly. It makes lots of sense as to why that happened, such as, Riverdale was renewed for their fifth season, The Society and Atypical were canceled, Doja Cat won the PUSH New Artist award at the 2020 VMAs. Along with a few minor things, like, three waves of COVID-19 cases, the economy collapsing, etc. It’s quite obvious that the past year has been rough for everyone. Here are some things to do to not be sad during these trying times:

 

1. Don’t listen to Mitski’s “Class of 2013” (especially if you have Mommy Issues).

This song is sad, as in it’ll have you on the floor, sobbing, in the middle of the night,  you’ll wonder why you’re so sad until you come to the realization that you are listening to “Class of 2013”. Just don’t listen to it.

 

2. Watch the hit TV show Glee. 

There might be a lot of things in the world that are currently wrong and horrible, on the other hand, there is almost absolutely nothing wrong with Glee. Of course, excluding the following: Publicly outing someone, racism/prejudice, sending someone to a crackhouse so they don’t “steal your spotlight,” slurs, Matthew Morrison (do I really need to explain?), etc. 

 

3. Drop out of School.

Considering that life isn’t the easiest right now, why make it 1,000,000,000 times more stressful and difficult by pursuing an education. Besides, who needs to go to school to have a stable future anyways, just become a SoundCloud rapper. 

 

4. Hang out with your friends without wearing masks or maintaining a distance of six feet.

Since it's been almost one year since any of us has seen our friends up-close and in person, I mean, it's not like the COVID-19 pandemic is one of our biggest concerns right now. Just throw one big party with you and every single one of your friends in a small, crowded space. Talk about a great idea!

 

5. Become an anti-masker.

Lately, our lives have been extremely boring. Why not spice it up by throwing out all of your masks and gathering in large groups to “peacefully” protest the use of masks and claim that they are: oppressive, cause carbon dioxide poisoning, useless, because science doesn’t exist (Take that liberals!), etc. Don’t you think it’d be fun to not wear masks, not hop on the bandwagon, exactly like our lord and savior, Donald J. Trump.

 

If you’re sad and feel hopeless, just try out some of the activities above and you’ll feel great in no time!

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