How to Pay For College

By B.A. Student

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Nowadays, the cost of college is absolutely insane. Many people do not know what to do or how on Earth to pay for it. Lucky for them, I am here with the solutions. 


You could sell your liver or any other major organ. Be warned, this may only get you through your first year or so and you will run out of organs that you can live without.

Be in debt till your death. The cost of one year at NYU or Stanford is around $75,000 a year. If you are going to be taking out student loans for that, all together that's about $300,000 in debt. Maybe if you move back in with your parents after you graduate, never eat out, and never spend any money on recreational activities, maybe you will be debt-free in 15 years! 


Stop drinking that $5 coffee every day! People on the internet love to shame broke people for spending money on Starbucks, and maybe they are right. If you skip that $5 coffee every day for a year you will save around $1,825, which will obviously make a really big difference towards a $300,000 education. If you skip that coffee every day for 164 years you will actually be able to completely pay for a college degree. You do not deserve that coffee, be smart!


Don’t tell anyone that I am recommending this to you, but crime can really be helpful when paying for a college education. Rob a bank or try venturing into fraud. Tax evasion or blackmail are also some great options. 


Marry rich. You might be stuck with some gross, unappealing person that you hate, but at least you won’t be in an insane amount of debt. You can find one of these men or women by hanging out at a rich neighborhood’s local bar or at a country club, if you can manage to get in one. 


Become TikTok famous. Charli D’amelio has over 100 million followers, so she gets a lot of sponsorships, which means a good amount of money, probably more than enough to pay for an ivy league education. 


There are many more ways to make money. You could sell your hair. You could become a test subject for new, possibly harmful, products. You can rent out a room in your house to strangers, If you don’t have a spare room they could share your room or even take the backyard. Ask your parents if you could get an allowance for helping out around the house. There are no reasons why anyone should be unable to afford college, after all the helpful ideas I have given.