Walking is Overrated
By Page Turner
South China Morning Post
Walking- we do it every day, don’t we? Walking from room to room or to the fridge and back to the couch is acceptable. But going out for walks for leisure or physical activity is overrated. Who would want to go out into nature, willingly? Here are some reasons why we shouldn’t walk regularly.
While out walking, injuries are extremely likely to occur. The terrain could be uneven and you could sprain an ankle. A rogue branch could be in your path, causing you to trip over it and faceplant. We all know that the embarrassment of face planting is far worse than the actual pain. You don’t want to embarrass yourself, do you? Didn’t think so. On the topic of trees, you could walk into a low branch and scratch yourself or poke your eye out! Not fun.
Before you consider going out for a walk, I recommend considering nature and what it has to offer you. Specifically, bugs and weather. There are so many bugs crawling around on the ground, the trees, pretty much anything outside. What if one of them stings you? What if you have an allergic reaction from the sting? That isn’t very good and now you’re stuck in the middle of a walk without any medical attention. Chances are, you might not make it back home and that would be very unpleasant. Second, the weather. Sometimes, the heat can be blistering. Walking in the direct sunlight, without any water, sweating is not a pleasant experience. On the other hand, the weather can be cold and wet. Walking in the rain? Pass. (Singing in the rain, however, that’s allowed - encouraged, even.) When it rains, the water and the dirt mix and they make mud. Mud gets all over shoes, clothes, everything. Your favorite pair of shoes? Ruined. Your walk that was supposed to be a lovely outing? Ruined. Don’t do this again, c’mon.
3. Furry Friends Are Exhausted
This one doesn’t really have to do with you, at all. I think for this one, we have to get an interview with a beloved furry friend.
Page: So, Spike, I know you guys have to walk daily to keep active but that’s something you can relatively do on your own, correct?
Spike: Sure, if I’m lucky I get to chase a ball every day.
P: Mhm, what are your thoughts on humans going on leisurely walks, maybe two to three times a day, and taking you along each time?
S: Look, I’m getting older and I’m only good for about one walk a day. And it’s usually only around the block. Two or three walks is way too much for me. At my age, I’d say I’ve earned the right to lay around all day with the occasional bark at the mailman.
P: So would you say this is perhaps overrated or unnecessary?
S: Yeah, I’d say so. I know some of the younger pups need more activity, but I think the whole “going for a walk multiple times a day” is unnecessary. Once you get to my age, you realize you didn’t really need all those walks. I got the unaligned hips to show for it too!
P: Haha, take care of yourself, Spike.
S: Thanks, Page, you too.
Well, there you have it, folks. Not only did I give you two strong reasons with solid facts, but I also gave you a legit interview. Now I won’t outwardly judge you if you regularly go on walks, but I will definitely judge you silently, in my own mind. In conclusion, don’t go on walks, it’s lame.